“My pride is bigger than my feelings because my feelings hurt more.” -V.
Its hard to hate a person who challenges your values, because although that person may defy most of the things you stand for, you will eventually acquire an amount of respect for that strength in character. In a way, that strength reflects the strength that you like to believe that you have, two different colored peas in a pod, some may say.
Its complicated because at every moment that you become aware of your similarities, you forget about all the beautiful and ugly little details that you always wanted to point out but never did. All you care about in that moment is the possibility that for the first time, you may not be able to win this one fight. In realizing this, you hesitate more than ever every time you feel the impulse to do or say something, because of an inner fear, of what? of not being in control? of not being able to predict what could happen? of giving in?
But why so little faith? Where did all the strength go? What is true strength if you cant face the one thing you fear most: the unknown? Where is the strength in not taking real life risks? The kind of risks that could either build you up so beautifully or destroy you completely. In that moment, you not only lose faith in the situation but you lose faith in yourself more, because you dont believe that you may be able to handle whatever the outcome turns out to be. Where is your strength then? You gotta believe that you can still love after being broken so many times because if you dont then what are you living for really?
I wish that I could say all the beautiful and ugly things that I always wanted to say but never did. I wish that I can know what other people’s reaction will be? Most of all, I wish to give in. I want to give in so bad to every little raw emotion that dominates my being. But I cant. My pride is too big because I know my feelings hurt more.
And thats the saddest part.